Hurt and Heartbreak

So one main theme to this post really...


Carl and I broke up. He came back home little over a week ago and sat down on the end of the bed and said "we need to talk, this isn't working". The first thing he'd really said to me that day. And I don't understand why, I don't really have any explanations as to why. He doesn't want to talk about things, he isn't ready. And I'm left here trying to glue myself back together with very little answers. I'd like to think I could just be okay with all this, but for some reason I just can't...


I hurt Carl today though, I really hurt him. And I didn't mean to.

Callum left today, so it was a bad, weird day anyway. A little weird for me too, I never got the chance to see Callum before he left and say goodbye. And I still care beyond belief for Carl and knew this would be a rough day. And I spent the day worrying if he was okay and wanting him to be okay, and although he wanted to be on his own, I wish I could have still been there with him. It started off by checking he was okay tonight, and it just escalated into a bit of a fight over talking, over everything, over us. And I never meant for that, or for any of that to be brought up today of all day. And now he's angry and upset and I don't think he realises how sorry I am. So this is a public apology, whether or not he reads this...


 I am very, honestly, deeply and truly sorry for tonight and for hurting you. I didn't do this for revenge, payback or to hurt you deliberately. I would have never have wanted this to happen today - because I know what a bad day this is. I still love you and I still care for you, this was the last thing on my mind for us to talk about today. And I really am sorry, from the bottom of my heart.


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